everyone knew.
i couldn't believe it but everyone knew. it was a much discussed topic. bus-stops were a-buzz; the hallways hummed w/it. alicia & i were nearing our two month anniversary & we hadn't kissed. we hadn't kissed & everyone knew. everyone talked about it: some w/me, most w/alicia but it was definitely the talk of our crowd.
there had been a few awkward moments at some parties. it was understood that "couples" made out. that's what they did at parties. i'd seen it myself. i remember stumbling onto kathy boyle & gary galenbeck making out at a party at lewis greenhut's. i was frozen to the spot, watching as their mouths & jaws worked furiously, tongues slipping & sliding all around. suddenly, kathy broke the kiss & glared at me. "why don't you take a picture?," she hissed. i stumbled away in utter abjection. i felt it all the way to my toes.
i'd been told what french kissing was by my hoodlum friends at the slot car raceway i frequented until alicia came along. i remembered being horrified. & baffled. i just couldn't figure out the mechanics of the thing. where would the noses go? & the tongue thing was confusing too. did they meet midway? was there some kind of breach if my tongue went too far? or hers? & of course, there was the issue of spit.
as she & i sat together at another party, glumly watching other couples kissing, i kept saying to myself, "that looks easy. shit, if randy waldrop can figure it out, it can't be too hard." but regardless of all the mental gymnastics i performed, i just couldn't bring myself to lean over & do it. i sat there w/my arm around her, making small talk. & then, it was time to go & our parents arrived to pick us up & another opportunity, in front of our friends yet again, went up in smoke. there was palpable frustration, due in part no doubt to hormones, & more false resolve to end this ridiculous situation. i remember several parties where we were the last two to leave, her waiting for my big move & me being unable to deliver while impatient horns honked, drawing more attention to the situation.
it was at one of these parties, at becky petrie's, that i had my big break through. we were sitting in a lazy boy chair together, my arm around her casually. as usual, we were watching the other couples make out. the room was semi-dark, for the kissing couple's privacy, i suppose. suddenly, i realized that my hand was on her left breast. i was petrified. what happens if she flips out? how much more embarrassment could i take? i moved my hand just a bit & relaxed it again. i waited. i repeated my last move. i started to get dizzy. i was on second base! my heart began to pound as i began to freely move my hand over her breast & she drew a pillow up to cover what was going on. this went on for what felt like an eternity. i was floating in a lust haze of sexual bliss & yet, we didn't kiss. the party started breaking up. bobo showed up to take me & walker home.
the next weekend she & i went to the movies & walked from the saenger theater on palafox st up to the elks club on garden where bobo was playing dominos. we got some cokes from booker, the old black bartender there & retreated to the front room of that ancient building. there beneath the huge antlered head of an elk, we settled into a cuddle on a ratty old couch that turned rather quickly into a groping free for all(on my part, anyway). w/my hand down her shirt, feeling her small pert breasts once again, our mouths came together as mouths do & then it was our mouths working ferverishly & our tongues slipping & sliding delightedly. i remember feeling drunk, woozy, & inflamed. i certainly felt like i'd found my niche, something i could excel at, something i wanted to excel at. our session lasted over an hour & by the end we were both panting & flushed. her bra was long gone, thrown onto the floor but oddly, as excited as we both were, we remained content that night kissing & petting.
later when bobo drove us home, we sat together in the back seat & continued our new found activity. i restained myself from feeling her up more there in the backseat but our tongues swirled away until we got to her house. bobo & i drove home in silence & i thought about getting to second base before i went to first. "ass backwards," i imagined bobo muttering & i silently agreed w/him. i leaned my head back & breathed in alicia's perfume. surely this was love or lust or something equally as profound. i just had to figure out what.
my adult kiss initiation was over. though in actuality, it had just begun.
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