i met terra through nat'ly. she was the oldest daughter of john r., a fellow who ran a concession out on p'beach. she had just turned 18yo. she hated living w/her family, esp john r & wanted out. i offered my place to her. she accepted w/o hesitation. i know what you're thinking & i'm happy to say we did NOT have sex then or ever. not because either one of us wasn't interested(we both were)but because i was w/nat'ly & also on general principals. i wanted to be able to look her father in the eye & say i'd done his daughter a simple favor. period. end of story. that's pretty much all the good that came out of the situation: i could look her father in the eye & say that one true thing.
i'd never met anyone who was w/o any inhibitions about being nude like terra. i've always imagined that if everyone was like her in this respect the world would probably be a much better place. it wasn't a young woman's vanity that did it. i'm not really sure what it was. she had a very lovely figure in general. her great flaw was her breasts, 18yo breasts that inexplicably sagged like an old woman's. they were like flaps on her chest.
terra could be & would be naked anywhere & anytime. there at the apt it was a real temptation to come home from a long day of outrigger work & find her lounging around naked. no quick giggly run to the bedroom to throw on a robe for terra. she'd sit there naked no matter who i brought home w/me. i will say that i never got tired seeing her naked. she didn't wear out her welcome being naked all the time.
around this time i decided to take a quick trip over to new orleans. terra was working cleaning out a pottery studio twice a week for $50. she felt this was a deadend job; it really wasn't even that. she wanted to go over to new orleans w/me & so i took her. driving over i talked about s. dancing at one of the bourbon st clubs & the money she made in one night. i talked about donna & the money she made dancing at trader's, about sue & the money she'd made at the green frog in destin. by the time we got to the new orleans city limits, she was all set to find a club to try dancing herself. she had mixed feelings about it but the money sounded way too good.
i explained to her my usual circuit of drinking there in the quarter: molly's, coop's, the irish bar on bourbon that had a great small bar in the back of the larger one, a couple of nameless places on burgundy, & back to molly's or coops. we were staying at the old burgundy inn. she went off to find a club that would let her dance just that one night & she'd come find me when she did. s. pulled this off several years before but she'd made friends w/the "bouncer," who ended up being an off-duty cop who had his hands in lots of semi-illegal activities. at the end of that night, he took half what she made & got a bj from her in the dressing room surrounded by all the other dancers urging her on. he had a monstrously huge cock, she said. she hadn't minded him taking half(she still made over $500)& her only regret was that she didn't fuck him. she made arrangements w/him to come back over to new orleans to work for him. that never happened. s. had a pretty short attention span. she probably just forgot.
it took terra a couple of places but she found one, right there on bourbon st. i congratulated her. she hesitated then asked, "would you be there for the first time? i'd just feel more comfortable w/you in the audience." i hadn't figured on this. first, it would cut into my drinking. second, i'd decided never to watch anyone i knew dance for the first time after both j. & e. had me watch & i'd been dumbfounded & embarrassed by how bad they were. e. was a lovely young woman w/a lovely figure but she couldn't dance to save her life. she wandered around the stage. same w/j but she actually thought she could dance & that made things worse. they made money but...i didn't want to go through that again. terra pleaded w/me. i caved.
the bar itself was several steps up from the place s. had debuted. lots of mirrors & disco dance mirror balls, neon & blinding, stinging smoke. there was a main stage, front & center & various other smaller stages scattered here & there around the main room. i took my usual seat near the rear & paid the outrageous $9 for a beer. terra came up to the table & said she'd be on after another 2 or 3 girls. she seemed a little nervous but excited too. she had borrowed an outfit from another girl & augmented it's look w/a hippy spangled shawl that she'd brought over w/her from p'cola. i reassured her & took a small sip from my beer. i was itching to guzzle it but didn't want to spend another $9. that's the price of two beers in the places i drank.
i was ruminating on this & not really in the mood to see terra naked for the umpteenth time. the other girls weren't bad looking & some could dance ok. i was thinking that things could be worse. suddenly, terra burst through the curtains & onto the stage. the great russian impresario diaghilev challenged cocteau once: "astonish me," he is said to have dared. quite frankly, i was astonished. terra was like a whirling dervish, covering the stage in seemingly well-choreographed angles, while undulating & twirling her long arms up to heaven & down along her body. she spun & shook & shimmied. her body seemed to shape-shift depending on the music. even her breasts looked good up there under the lights. money began to rain down onto the stage. her energy seemed inexhaustible & the pleasure she was clearly getting from simply dancing was palpable. at the end of every song, she beamed. the stage was covered w/money & her g-sting was stuffed w/more. she was quite a hit; she was, even more, a natural up there.
i slipped out after i'd congratulated her briefly. later that night, she woke me up in a feverish state. "look at all this money!!," she panted, " i made $1400 in five hours." "great," i mumbled. "i want to take you out for breakfast," she continued. "ok, in the morning," i managed to get out. "it IS morning. it's 5am," she insisted. she was definitely manic, flying high on adrenalin. i rolled over. she left me alone & went out by herself.
a star, of sorts, was born that weekend. terra started working at sammy's down in ft. walton beach, making an inconceivable amount of money, & continuing to live for a while w/me. she got even better at dancing & she was always clever when she performed. for example, she would wear men's clothes out on the stage or start her show naked & slowly put her clothes back on. she never worked the pole. ever. she & haller moved out to phoenix where she made even more money but it was then that it dawned on me that she wasn't saving a penny of it. she'd do absurdly extravagant things like buy a pure-bred malamute dog & then find out she wasn't allowed to have animals at her apartment. she'd give the dog away. she ended up back in new orleans, working the clubs there. i ran into her once by accident on decatur street when i was over for a concert or just relief. she told me then that she was thinking about other more legit forms of employment. dancing, she said, was taking its toll. she was 24yo.
three years later i was a long long way from p'cola & the outrigger. i was living in the mission in san francisco. i had followed c. out across the country. she was a bright & beautiful italian who worked as a librarian during the day & danced at the lusty lady in north beach 3 nights a week. the lusty lady didn't pay out like the other strip-joints i was familiar with but she didn't seem to mind. it was more an experiment for her. anyway, i was sitting in a coffee house in the mission by myself & in walked a couple. the woman looked exactly like terra. terra had a pretty unique full mouthed smile, resembling the monster in the movie alien, all teeth seemed exposed. it was a fascinating sight to see. this woman did the smile. i was a little stunned. for some reason, i didn't really want to engage w/her. i rose a little unsteadily to clear out but she saw me first. "dan? is that you? omg, it IS you," she nearly screeched. they had just that hour gotten into sf. this coffeehouse was the first place they'd stopped. "of all the cheap gin joints...".
they were actually headed down south to los angeles. i helped them find a temporary place to stay. terra was no longer dancing; she was a masseuse. she'd actually trained for it & had a certificate to prove it. a few days later, i met them at the albatross bar in berkeley. terra was hammered & the bar had just opened. at some point she was explaining to the boyfriend the exact nature of our relationship(i got the distinct impression that jealousy formed an underlying aspect to THEIR relationship). "i lived w/him for nearly a year," she slurred, " & he never fucked me, never tried to fuck me." the boyfriend seemed incredulous. i think he could have processed me a little easier if there had been a sexual angle. "no really," she slapped the table for emphasis, " it was some kind of weird code he had, wanted to look my father, that bastard, in the eye, couldn't if he'd fucked me. at least that's what he said." she burst out laughing & her alien teeth extended menacingly. "he missed it. he really missed out," she sceamed out laughing. the boyfriend agreed. "she's the hottest piece of ass i've ever had," he asserted, jaw jutting out, "you really missed it." he was smirking.
i just shrugged, an uncomfortable fake smile straining my face. i had nothing to say to that. nothing at all.
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